


An Orgasmic Conclusion to Theon Greyjoy's Redemption Arc

by Queen_Of_Antarctica



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Crack, I imagine D.B. Weiss is just perpetually foaming at the mouth, i wrote this in five minutes, pure unadulterated crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 20:24:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Of_Antarctica/pseuds/Queen_Of_Antarctica
Summary: I just watched the scene where that one dude keeps kneeing Theon in the balls except guess what? Plot twist? Theon doesn't have any fucking balls! And I just kept thinking, oh Lord above, what was poor Alfie Allen thinking when D&D handed him that season seven script, so here's that fucking story.





	An Orgasmic Conclusion to Theon Greyjoy's Redemption Arc

Alfie Allen walks into Studio C at the HBO Tower. "So what have you got for me this time?" he asks with the audible sound of a man's willpower dying. "Something that makes sense, I hope?"

D. B. Weiss is practically foaming at the mouth. "Here, Alfie," he whispers, handing him a script. "We hope you like it."

_EURON GREYJOY'S THERAPEUTIC STAND-IN knees Theon in the balls. Theon breaks into a murderous laugh, looks him straight in the eye, and says:_

_THEON: I guess you were right all along, Euron Greyjoy's Therapeutic Stand-In. I really **don't**  have any balls._

_Theon summons a magically-infused war axe from the sea using his latent Eldritch Powers, and immediately buries it in Euron Greyjoy's Therapeutic Stand-In's head. The ten thousand ironborn watching from the shore break out into cheers and applause as Theon starts to visibly grow back a new dick, except this time it's two-pronged and several feet long. His redemption arc concludes so hard that everyone in the audience comes, instantly and untouched. God, I'm so horny from this writing right now._

Alfie Allen carefully sets down the script, fixes David Benioff with a stare that's equal parts exasperation and pity, and asks: "You ever consider killing Theon off one of these days?"


End file.
